Should A Wannabe Influencer Friend Cease Exploiting Me for Content?

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?